Guy Who Reacts Dramatically To Trivial Things.
Some alternatives for the third panel include:
“The spider you thought you saw in your room was really just some dust.”
“There is still a slice of pizza in the fridge.”
“We made an error, I didn’t actually sink your battleship.”
“Suddenly my abilities in playing Mario Kart have radically decreased compared to two minutes ago, so now you suddenly stand a chance.”
“NEW: All red suits now 50% off!”
Or just, you know, “dank memes.” Ugh.